Timmerov's Blog: March 2004

Timmerov's Blog

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

rindercella

rindercella is the story of a gittle lirl and her three stugly ep isters. she got a dretty press from her gairy fod mother and went to a bancy fall where she met a prandsome hince and slopped her dripper.

¶ 2:48 PM

Sunday, March 28, 2004

hero

kiyoshi amemiya san is my new hero. he's an upper muckity muck connected to hitachi who built a landmine disposal device out of ordinary construction machinery. he gives these things away to countries like afghanistan, cambodia, nicaragua, thailand and vietnam. he absolutely refuses to sell them to the military.

¶ 9:26 PM

Saturday, March 27, 2004

fat americans

americans are fat and lazy and it's all fidel castro's fault. he took over cuba in 1958. this was really good for cubans and really bad for americans. he taught people to read and seized the assets of large american corporations. which pissed off the folks in charge enough to try to kill him a half dozen times and end trade with his country. so now we have no cane sugar. we can make sweeteners from home grown corn. but it's expensive. so now we have farm subsidies. apparently paying taxes is better than paying fair market value for consumables. anyway, corn syrup is much more soluble than cane sugar. it's perfect for sodas and fruit juices. cane sugar is glucose which your body metabolizes into instant energy. that familiar sugar rush. corn syrup is fructose which your body prefers to metabolize into fat. and here we are.

¶ 9:20 AM

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

gas prices

i paid $2.35 a gallon for gas in san francisco today. i think we're going to see $3/gallon this year. and we're never looking back. the era of cheap oil is over. worldwide oil production appears to have peaked in 2000. my advice is to invest in renewable energy sources: solar, wind, tide, geothermal, hydroelectric, biomass, etc. or you can ignore me and your children can push plows and stare at ox butts all day.

¶ 3:31 PM

Saturday, March 20, 2004

sunscreen

most people have no clue how toxic sunscreen is. it's just as carcinogenic as the sun's rays. sunscreen stops sunburn. it does not prevent skin cancer. sunscreen actually causes skin cancer. only use sunscreen if you expect to get a painful sunburn without it. otherwise you're just poisoning yourself.

¶ 2:35 PM

Friday, March 19, 2004

six

[continued from five]. there are now six governments toppled by bush: afghanistan, iraq, liberia, iran, haiti, and now spain. no wonder most people think we're bent on world domination.

¶ 9:10 AM

cool

kerry's a shredder. photo.

¶ 9:01 AM

Thursday, March 04, 2004

nader

if i was running for office i'd play dirty. i'd find some patsy to split the opposition's vote. i'd make sure he has plenty of money to capture a bumch of votes. but not too many of course. one wonders if nader knows he's being played. oh boy! another 4 years of bush. oh boy! another 3000 dead americans.

¶ 2:13 PM

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

mondegreen

a mondegreen is when people mishear or mis-sing the lyrics to a song. search the web. there are hundreds of them. some are really funny. some of my favorites are: "dirty deeds done to sheep", "hit me with your sweat socks", "someday monkey no play piano song, no play piano song". bennett's kindergarten class is learning to sing america the beautiful. this mondegreen is my all time favorite: "god shat disgrace on thee".

¶ 11:14 AM

Monday, March 01, 2004

five

that's the number of governments bush has toppled. five? timmer can you count? afghanistan and iraq are easy, one and two. taylor fled liberia, three. fundamentalists have locked up iran, four. aristide fled haiti, five. others are in danger: blair, six? and chavez in venezuela, seven? we'll see.

¶ 8:38 AM