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Timmerov's Blog
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
  great america
we took the boys to paramount's great america park. a good time was had by all. the weather was beautiful. not too hot and not too cool. and best of all, the longest line was for lunch. i think they really enjoyed getting dad really wet on the logger run. they liked it so much they went on it again. without dad. then they found another splash em up log boat ride and rode it four times in a row. again without dad. and without lines.
 
Monday, October 30, 2006
  airport non-sense
on wednesday at 5:30 pm work gave me my itinerary for thursday. so instead of playing hockey or chillin with my boys i was headed to los angeles. wee. the meetings ended early and we tried to catch an earlier flight. it would be really close. i was the last one through the security theatre. i'm pulling an oj to my gate carrying my shoes. someone runs me down from behind. okay, i'm thinking something flew out of my open backpack. there's this cute japanese girl that doesn't speak english very well. she needs help finding her gate. why the hell she's chasing a running man in his socks carrying in his hands everything that should be packed in his bag i have no idea. but i look at my gate. ken and john are out of sight. i look at her. i sigh. i look at her ticket. it says to consult the monitors where the gate number should be. she doesn't understand my explanation to find a tv. of course there are none in sight. i apologize and run off. john says we missed our flight. drok. ken says we have 15 minutes to boarding. so i pack my bag and put on my shoes. then cause i'm feeling the good samaritan, i go look for the lost foreigner. i find her by the monitors. she'd found her gate number.
 
Sunday, October 29, 2006
  coup 2
the viet nam war started a long time before we got into it. and it was jfk who took us there. jfk. who many regard with near messianic status. he got in to the war to support france against communist rebels. who ironically, expected the us to aid them against a tyrannical government. anywho, the war soured. and jfk was going to withdraw from it. but he never got the chance. perhaps w sees the parallels between iraq and viet nam. but there's no way he's going to even think about withdrawing. because his roll is jfk and he's afraid he'll catch a bullet from a loony.
 
Saturday, October 28, 2006
  cool science facts
my friend drew started a blog of random (really random) cool science facts. it's here. i've added a link to the right. enjoy.
 
Friday, October 27, 2006
  $1m felatio
i'll pay $1m to anyone (other than his wife) who performs a sex act on the president. and goes public with the evidence. and gets the son of bitch impeached. apparently getting an extra-marital hummer is criminal. but starting a war isn't. and passing off long term tax hikes as short term tax cuts isn't. and no-child-gets-a-dime isn't. and cutting the deficit to half what it was when he was spending like a drunken sailor isn't. enron style accounting isn't. putting monopolies back together isn't. allowing companies to pollute and kill isn't. allowing paper ballot-less elections isn't. ignoring north korea isn't. ignoring medicaid and social security isn't. ignoring global warming isn't. spying on us citizens isn't. ignoring the law isn't.
 
Thursday, October 26, 2006
  chutzpah
the game paranoia defines chutzpah as murdering your parents and pleading for mercy because you're an orphan. i define chutzpah as starting a war and claiming you can ignore the law because it's wartime.
 
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
  drow
i finally got enough favor in ddo to unlock drow. woo hooty! so if you don't hear from me for a while you'll have some guess where i am.
 
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
  phishing
i got phished! can you believe it? as computer savvy as i am. shit i've written viruses in my head. the execution was good enough. the thing that made it successful was the social engineering part. see... i have an account with yahoo. and i tell the computer to remember by password. but alisa uses it too. so whenever she logs in from her computer i have to re-enter the password from my computer. annoying. but that's the way it is. so anywho i get this reasonable looking instant message from a friend of mine. and i follow the link. it goes to a yahoo address. and there's that oh so familiar login prompt. it looks just like the real thing. so on we go. see my friend had been talking about his hot new girlfriend. and she's not nice. which is why he likes her. so when the link takes me to a random chick slutting herself it seems completely reasonable. later my account gets logged off. and i find out he didn't send the message. oops. time to change my password. thinking back. i noticed "his" message used capital letters oddly. and the url for the login page was different than normal. it was still on yahoo. i have made two errors. heh. well fortunately, there's nothing of real value there. and that password was only used there. so yahoo in an effort to make me less vulnerable actually made me more vulnerable. neat, huh?
 
Monday, October 23, 2006
  seniority
the paddle to the bread machine was missing. this is a big deal because we make 3 or so loaves of bread a week. four adults were looking everywhere for it. it wasn't in the machine. it wasn't in the bread. no one washed it. it wasn't in any of the drawers. or the dish drying rack. alisa pulled it out of the bread and set it down. hmmm... i saw it this morning. it was encrusted with dried bread. lessee... i was picking that off and dropping it into the trash. then i... uh oh. could i have... ? aw yuck. the trash is full of used coffee grounds and buttermilk and other nastiness. oh well. i took the trash can to the garage and picked through it. yick. but there it was. at the bottom of the trash can. we washed it off. good as new after its little adventure.
 
Sunday, October 22, 2006
  movie ban
death of a president is scheduled to be released this week. probably not a good idea to show a movie about the assassination of a sitting president. yeah, you know and i know that it's a work of fiction timed to influence the midterm elections. but there are 300 million of us now. surely there's some whack job out there thinking, hey good idea! no one should be murdered by a vigilante. it's not the american way. war criminals should be tried for treason and executed.
 
Saturday, October 21, 2006
  wwjt
who would jesus torture?
 
Friday, October 20, 2006
  get me
i love my wife. as my friend lee would put it, she gets me. the other day i came home from noontime hockey and she asked, why is your shirt on inside out? i looked down at my shirt, which was clearly on inside out, and said, it's not. she looked at me. she looked at my shirt. then the most beautiful flicker of a smile danced on the corners of her mouth. whose shirt is it? it's jack's. i borrowed it so i wouldn't have to play on jim's team.
 
Thursday, October 19, 2006
  waterboards
the claim is that sometimes it's necessary to torture someone to get vital information in a timely fashion. and we've been conditioned by television to believe it. sop for jack bauer in 24. the purpose of a torture device, or a torture method, is to extract a confession. truth be damned. and they are very very effective at what they're designed to do. no one should promote or approve the use of torture until they've experienced it personally.
 
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
  coup
congress just approved another $70 billion for georgie's war. the total is now over half a trillion dollars. we just keep making our military bigger and stronger. the money will dry up at some point. one wonders what will happen then. maybe we'll get some nice young president with the desire to restore those american liberties we've been asked to sacrifice. and extract us from this stupid war. kinda like jfk and viet nam.
 
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
  do not feed the squirrels
they might look cute and fuzzy. but they're rodents. they carry the same diseases as rats. like bubonic plague and rabies. feeding squirrels is a particular problem in cuesta park near here. the squirrels are extremely bold. they'll go into strollers and chew through tupperware. they'll bite and scratch hands that feed them. three people have been bitten recently. dozens have been scratched. one squirrel pounced a 4 year old boy who was repeatedly scratched and bitten while he ran screaming through the park. he got rabies shots. in the ass. with a needle bigger than him. every day for 10 days. they are /extremely/ painful. as shoo says, you cannot make this stuff up. please ask others to not feed the squirrels. and inform them of the consequences.
 
Monday, October 16, 2006
  3d 2
when you get married you give up a few unimportant things. and you gain lots of better things. like on demand guilt free sex. (!) and the benefit of another person's perspective. makes it a lot easier to step out of your shoes and into another's. and voila! your world becomes 3d. and beautiful. maybe that's why newlyweds are so blissfully happy. or maybe it's just the sex.
 
Sunday, October 15, 2006
  revelations
if you've ever actually read revelations you'll find it says 144,000 will go to heaven in the rapture. (civilians killed this war: about 144,000.) then there'll be 7 years of war. (start of war on terror to end of bush's second term: 7 years.) then the evil doers will be destroyed. (i sure hope 'evildoers' includes megalomaniacs who start wars as well as psychopathic beheaders. and the more completely destroyed the better.) then we'll put down our swords. and nations will live together as brothers. hell of a way to get world peace.
 
Saturday, October 14, 2006
  ticklish
i was skating during warm up before our hockey game. and as i skated something was tickling my face. i'd stop skating. and it would go away. i pretty much knew immediately what was happening. so i left the rink. took off my gloves and helmet. and searched for the long blonde hair that had somehow managed to find its way here from my wife's head. i thought about keeping it because it pleased me. which made it special. but no. there'll be more.
 
Friday, October 13, 2006
  3d
many people see the world from one point of view. makes it pretty 2d. they are absolutely incapable of listening to what other people are saying. they cannot step away from the security of their own point of view to examine the world from another's. why is this? are they afraid? have they invested so much of their sense of self in this point of view that it rules them? that they have no identity separate from the world view. has it taken over the self? weird. i don't have this problem. perhaps it's because i'm so much smarter and better looking than everyone else that i have sufficient confidence to temporarily abandon my position. my world is 3d. it is beautiful.
 
Thursday, October 12, 2006
  humor
the emperor never explained why he was naked. i never explain my jokes. either you can see the cloth. or you can't.
 
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
  grr
i love joe like a brother. but sometimes he makes me so damn mad i could just box his ears. i was gonna post a blog very similar to this. but now he's gone and done it first. so i'd look like a copy cat. stay outta my freakin head. k?
 
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
  c sequestion
the theory is we can burn as much coal and oil as we want. as long as we sequester the carbon into the ground instead of releasing it into the atmosphere. unfortunately reality often differs from theory. the technology for sequestering carbon is going to be much more expensive than was previously assumed. if it's even possible at all. apparently injecting carbon dioxide into the ground changes the ph. which dissolves limestone. which releases twice as much carbon dioxide as you tried to sequester. sigh. the number of suitable sites for long term storage of carbon is actually quite small. the volume of carbon that can be sequestered is disappointingly low.
 
Monday, October 09, 2006
  exxon morris
actually an alliance between exxon mobil and phillip morris makes sense. burning fossil fuels is a lot like smoking. and it's killing us. in much the same way that smoking cigarrettes kills us. and it's incredibly profitable to the companies that sell the poison. the strategies for selling more are the same. challenge the science. install doubt in the mind of the consumer that smoking will kill them. give them any excuse to use the product. tobacco kills fully a third of its users. wanton burning of fossil fuels might kill a third of us too. that's some 2 billion people. quite a disturbance in the force.
 
Sunday, October 08, 2006
  phillip morris
it turns out that two companies are financing almost all of the organizations questioning whether or not earth is getting warmer because of human activities. primarily deforestation and burning fossil fuels. they are exxon mobil and phillip morris. exxon mobil makes sense because they're the largest oil company in the world. and they own the fossil fuel that we're burning. the motivations for phillip morris are a bit trickier to fathom. as near as i can tell, they mostly want to make the epa look stupid. pah. smoking is good for you. right?
 
Saturday, October 07, 2006
  greenland
iceland is the green one. greenland is the icy one. it's covered by this huge chunk of ice. which is melting. when it melts completely it'll raise the ocean levels by some 7 meters. that will take 14,000 years at the current rate. however the rate has tripled in the last two years. if that keeps up my house will be under water in 20 years.
 
Friday, October 06, 2006
  northwest passage
the polar ice cap melted enough this year that you could sail a boat to the north pole. granted it didn't really melt. it just got thin. and some major storms broke up the ice. makes exxon and phillip morris look pretty stupid for trying to say that global warming isn't happening. but that's the product they're selling. and people are buying. i predict the argument will shift to yeah, the globe is warming. but it's not us. there's some other non-human related cause. sigh.
 
Thursday, October 05, 2006
  easter pee
school started. that means all the usual stuff: getting up early, homework, new diseases. someone brought home a lovely thing. we got antibiotics for it which turned our urine easter egg orange to the entertainment of all.
 
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
  water wars
i suggested that oil is the world's most precious commodity. except maybe for water. countries fight over incredibly stupid stuff. but they generally don't fight over water. even israel and jordan negotiated how to share the jordan river while they were at war and killing each other for other incredibly stupid reasons. there are a couple of reasons why i suppose. water is extremely vulnerable and at the same time absolutely critical. we can't possibly defend our water supply. neither can our enemy. so we make an arrangement. heh. we wouldn't be able make war if water wasn't off limits. hmmm...
 
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
  phone driver 3
so i'm skating to the gym down a fairly busy road. the beautiful and talented alisa is following on her bike. i notice an suv pulling out of a parking lot ahead of me. the driver's got a cell phone stuck against her head. she's looking left. i bet she's going to neither look right and see me nor stop. i slow down enough i can make a tight 90 degree turn into the parking lot if i have to. i have to. i yell at her as she pulls out into traffic. now she stops and looks around. and sees alisa exercising her first ammendment rights. hang up and drive. it's really a very simple idea. is someone gonna have to die before john/jane q public gets a clue?
 
Monday, October 02, 2006
  somno solo
the other day bennett crashed his bike. he woke up early the next morning with a stiff neck. so he climbed into bed with mom. they needed to chat. i needed to sleep. so i climbed into bennett's now empty bed in the room the boys share. i'm drifting back to sleep when i hear singing. huh? what? it was garrett. still sound asleep. i didn't recognize the tune. and the lyrics didn't make much sense either. "all tied up worm."
 
Sunday, October 01, 2006
  moon oil
suppose the ceo of exxon decided there was oil on the moon despite fairly credible evidence to the contrary. but he's convinced. and replaces any on the board that disagree. exploration is done. no oil is found, of course. but the ceo says, what you mean is, you haven't found it yet. keep looking. so they do. still no oil. screw it, says the ceo. we're going to go get that oil. and at great expense, the company drills a large number of oil wells on the moon. all dry. now, what would happen to such a hypothetical ceo? he'd be sacked of course. with prejudice. so why's bush still president?
 
most every day i wander the corridors of my mind and open a door at random.

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