this is a how to post. cause i need to do this so rarely that i forget how between times. anywho, this is how to print pages double sided on a printer that only prints single sided pages. specifically, our single sided printer. like say 72 pages of taxes. wee. if there's an odd number of pages, print the last one. now you have an even number of pages. and things become easier. do maybe 10 pages at a time. sometimes the stupid printer sucks in two pages at once. in which case you'll end up with a whole lot of pages printed incorrectly. okay. first, make a little pencil mark in the right hand corner of the top sheet of paper in the paper feeder. second, print the even pages in reverse order. our printer normally prints the pages last to first so the first page ends up on top and the stack is in forwards order. choose the reverse order option so the pages are printed first to last so the last page ends up on top and the stack is in reverse order. got it? yeah, don't think. just check the damn box. third, the tops of the pages should be near you. flip the tops up and over towards the printer to where the bottoms were. the little pencil dot should be right back where it started. fourth, flip the stack of pages over left to right so the tops are still away from you and the bottoms are still close to you. the last page should be oriented so you can read it. fifth, stick the stack of pages back into the feeder. lastly, print the odd pages. if everything went okay, you're done! congratulations.
so i went to a few of b's wrestling practices over christmas break. and rolled around with the high school kids. and a few college kids who showed up too. it's very clear i'm fat old slow weak and out of shape. the day after the first practice i was a little sore. though i acted a lot more sore than i really was. i was milking it for sympathy. so anywho, one of my chores was to turn the compost. it was about an hour of shovel work. the day after that meager bit of exercise the fronts of my shoulders were incredibly painfully sore. like yowza! i kinda wished i hadn't cried wolf. but the beautiful and talented alisa rubbed all the lactic acid out. and i'm all better. well, i'm still fat old slow weak and out of shape. but at least i'm not sore.
"coming on the heals of the Newtown shooting". one assumes they meant heels. that'd be the typical homophone substitution. however, they might actually mean heals. as in, people suffered emotional and physical wounds at the newtown shooting. but they healed. or started to. and then the stupid journalists went and did this. and the stupid gun people went and did that. pah. completely undoing whatever heals might have been made in the short time since.
most years i try to shirk kitchen duties as much as possible. but this year i baked two batches of cookies. notice i didn't say two batches of christmas cookies. apparently, chocolate chip cookies don't count as christmas cookies. even if they're cookies made at christmas. i protested vigorously until i realized that if they're not christmas cookies, they weren't subject to the regular rules for christmas cookies. at which point my mouth snapped shut. christmas cookies have to make it to christmas day. normally one has to carefully ration christmas cookie consumption so there's still enough left on christmas day to make a pretty christmas cookie plate. but since chocolate chip cookies aren't actually christmas cookies, they're totally fair game to the cookie monster treatment. needless to say, they didn't make it to christmas. they weren't even close. but by their noble sacrifice there will be more of the "real" christmas cookies on christmas day. i also made a batch of cream cheese cookies. i failed to decorate all of them. and i accidentally made too many blue cookies. my mother doesn't eat blue food. she's got some sort of mental block. so the excess blue cookies end up consumed during subjective rationing phase of christmas cookie eating. which works out just fine.
so the other day the beautiful and talented alisa made tater tots for dinner. she asked b how many he wanted. he mumbled, a few. she gave him a funny look and went back into the kitchen. where she asked me, what did he say? and i cleared my throat and said in a strong clear voice, he said, F U. oh, that's what i thought he said. no i didn't! heh. giggles all around.
this is my 3000th post to this blog. crazy. it seems like just last decade i started it. heh. that's 0.872 blog posts per day. which isn't too bad for a hobby. i could say i hope you enjoyed at least some of them. but i really don't care if you did or not. this blog is where i dump some of the detritus that spontaneously creates in my head. by reading this blog you are wandering the corridors of my mind and opening a door at random. and you agree to the consequences thereof. and according to the laws governing eula's, you reading this blog makes it a legal and binding contract. enjoy.
so there was this nasty little cold running around. it started with a sore throat. progressed to a runny nose and that general low energy achy feeling. the beautiful and talented alisa found some cold medicine that worked for her. i tried it. well. it was kinda difficult. see, the box comes with both the night time and the day time version. the night time version is green. and the day time version is red. which i think is kinda backwards. but whatever. they're gel caps. big gel caps. they look kinda like christmas suppositories. thank you brain for coughing up that one. sigh. okay suppress that thought. swallow. did they work? possibly. i mostly slept it off. but no unpleasant side effects. so sure. they worked great.
i'm really sorry. but the latest version of itunes sucks. at least on windows. the old version remembered the window position. the new one does not. the new one added a shit ton of play-lists that i don't want and will never use. i had to take the time to delete them. i have to manually quit itunes before shutting down my computer. otherwise the shutdown fails. seriously, fuck you very much apple.
man. what a pain in the ass. we have our house phone land line through at&t. we also have our cell phones through at&t. at&t offers this combined bill feature. which sounds pretty cool. but man. what a pain in the ass. yeah, i know i'm repeating myself here. but man. what a pain in the ass. the first problem is the bill for the land line is in the beautiful and talented alisa's name. the bill for the cell phones is in my name. can't merge them. pah. okay. switch the land line to my name. cause the bills are paid from my bank account. okay so fail the first. the account numbers changed. and i didn't notice. they sent me an email alert that my bill was ready to view. like they do every month. but the ebill never came. i wasn't concerned. cause it's supposed to be combined. okay. wireless bill arrives. it's too small. and at&t is calling about a delinquent account. i call them. way back when, when we added b's cell phone to the account, they had to create a temporary account. they never sent me a bill for this account. okay. so i paid that. which i assumed was part of the combined bill. cause combined, it's about the right amount. but no. at&t was also calling about the delinquent house phone bill. and we failed to notice the messages on the machine had two different phone numbers. yeah yeah. dealt with that. right. wrong. sigh. at&t sends a disconnection notice. wtf? oh lookit. no ebill. okay. so i pay the house phone using online bill pay. done. right? nope. four days later the phone is disconnected. wtf? i call billing. and we figure out the account number change thing. so the nice lady transferred the payment. canceled the reconnection fee. and put a no-disconnect notice on the account while the payment transfer is pending. so we should be good, right? right??? oh god. please let it be right this time.
the nuclear power generating units on voyager weigh a combined 113 kg. they were manufactured in the 70s. today we could build one for less weight that uses 1/10th the amount of nuclear material. new, they generated some 470 watts. now they're down to about 300 watts. i once estimated the continuous power draw of an electric car at 500 watts. so in theory, you could put one of these nuclear power supplies in your electric car. it'd recharge the batteries all day all night. and you'd be able to drive your 66 kilometers per day average american usage. like for as long as you own your car. and you'd never even have to plug it in. ever. but you could. if you wanted to drive past the range of the batteries. which would be kinda nice.
so voyager has traveled some 18.5 billion kms over the past 35 years. pah. not impressed. i've traveled almost twice that distance in the same time. don't belive me? heh. i explain. voyager is 123 astronomical units away from the sun. we on earth circle the sun once per year. the circumference of our orbit is 2π au. so in past 35 years, we've traveled 220 au. qed.
spirit landed on mars in 2004. and died there in 2009. its little batteries and solar panels gave out. to their credit, they performed way way way beyond expectations. on the other hand, the voyager twins were launched in 1977. they're nearly blind and mostly deaf. but their little nuclear hearts are still pumping out the power to keep the things going. and we pretty much expect them to keep beating long after they disappear over the horizon of our being able to detect them from here. kinda makes me think we should rethink that whole green technology thing.
hypocracy is like snoring. it's really easy to identify in others. but devilishly tricky to identify in yourself. even when told they snore, people will adamantly insist that they do not. they DO NOT!! heh. so the smart alecs out there are right now thinking, so timmer, are you a hypocrite? of course not. but then, how would i know for sure? i guess someone could set up a tape recorder at night. and then they'd be able to confront me with evidence. oh wait. that's for snoring. oh well. the classic hypocrite is thomas jefferson. the guy who wrote that all men are created equal. and endowed with certain inalienable rights. yada yada. by men, he meant white males. he owned slaves. and was pretty harsh to them. even by slave owner standards. perhaps not physically. but he'd allegedly sell one to separate them from their relatives as punishment. ouch. he had a slave mistress. upon whom he fathered five children. which he owned. until the day he died. he set them free. but no other slaves. i guess he didn't want anyone to own even part of what was left of his life. his legacy. his children. his immortality.
i'm going to bash the republican platform for a bit. which is different from bashing the people who label themselves republicans. my goal here is to make the people feel pretty silly for claiming to be part of the organization that supports such a stupid platform. which would be the first step in getting them to at least think about what they're supporting. and maybe, just maybe, change it. just a little. they'd likely own the senate, house, and presidency if they did. anywho. something to think about. so what the fuck am i talking about? the republican platform is clearly pro-life. an unborn child must be defended at all costs. even if it costs the mother her life. even if it plunges the family into poverty. even if the infant is doomed by some horrible defect. its life must be extended by every medical procedure available. blah blah blah. okay. so that's an extreme position. but one that one can easily infer by the language of the platform. simultaneously, the platform is quietly against any kind of support for that unborn kid after it's born. even if it lives in poverty. or is at risk of preventable diseases. too bad. it's their own fault for being born poor. okay, so we'll do anything and everything for a kid in the womb. but we won't lift a finger for a kid outside the womb. weird. i used to think this was hypocracy. but while thinking about yesterday's post, i decided it's not. it's slavery. the republican platform asserts they own your body. and the fetuses therein are their property. destruction of said assets is strictly prohibited. course they think they own you once you're born too. whether you live or die depends on how well you please them. fail and die. succeed and live. for another day. vote republican, slave.
i strongly recommend that when making an english muffin in a toaster you make sure it doesn't get so stuck that the lever won't pop up. and the element stays electrified. and the muffin turns into a smoking black puck that smokes up and stinks up the entire house. but if you, pick a weekend when your kids are out of town and your wife has an awful cold that's stuffed up her nose so much she can't smell a thing. that was a first for me. usually the lever disengages the fire part when the muffin jams. weird. what's even weirder and much more worrisome is that the smoke alarms didn't go off. granted there are none anywhere near the kitchen. but sheehs. the smoke blacked the whole house. i would have expected at least one to trip. hrm. well. if god decides to burn your house down, your government mandated technology won't save you. sleep tight.
so we had a teensy mishap with the tv this week. we replaced the faithful 42" tube a while ago. mainly cause it won't do hd. we put the new tv on a stand and bought a really nice pice of furniture for it. but as i understood the plan, we were going to get a wall mount. an adjustable one. we even shopped for them. but didn't buy. so the other day, i was christmas shopping. when i remembered this plan. cause there were tv wall mounts under my gaze. so i bought one. a few days later i moved the tv and its really nice piece of furniture. and i carefully found the stud in the wall. and i got the boys to help mark the holes and hold the mount while i set the screws. when alisa said stop. the lights had gone out. oops. i had managed to hit a power line inside the wall. the drill missed it. but the screw broke one of the wires. it didn't cause a short circuit cause the breaker didn't trip. it just broke one of the wires. weird. so i consulted my neighbor contractor friends. and ended up cutting a hole in the wall. sure enough. there's a wire coincident with the screw. and the drill bit was too short to hit it. sheehs. so the neighbors gave me the number for an electrician friend of theirs. he cut the wire. and made two new holes in the wall. for junction boxes. cause the splices in the wires have to be accessible. course the power wire wasn't supposed to be that high up off the floor. for exactly this reason. sigh. ah well. at least the ugly holes will be behind the tv. once i mount it. b had the great idea of using a metal detector to check for wires before driving big screws into the wall. i think there might be hope for that kid.
the rumor is the republicans are going to cave on the fiscal cliff raising taxes on the 2% thing. but they're going to hold the debt ceiling hostage. heh. i call. if the federal government stops running up its debt, the banks will have to make fewer loans. and hence, less money. so yeah, i really don't see another debt ceiling standoff in the future. it's a good way to save face though. so i'm happy to play along. ohmygod! not that! don't throw us in the briar patch.
in a previous but recent election, democrats cried foul because there were inexplicable anomalies. like the county in florida that voted 90% for democratic issues. like green power, clean water, feed the poor, etc. yet simultaneously voted 90% for bush. pretty much guaranteeing they wouldn't get the things they want. i've got a pretty good imagination. but i just can't wrap my head around that one. oh wait. they voted on machines with no paper trail connected to an unsecured server. ah, okay. got it. anywho. so this year, the "same" thing happened. there's a precinct in philadelphia of nearly 20,000 souls. not a single one of which voted for romney. not even by accident. i agree it's an improbable event. but unlike florida, i don't have any trouble believing it. and no, not because it went "my" way. the congressional districts in the state are heavily gerrymandered. basically that means there are districts which are 100% democrat. and districts that are 55% republican. this allows the 40% minority party to hold 60% of the seats in the house of representatives. isn't democracy wonderful? so no, i don't think it's at all unbelievable that a predominantly black, poor precinct didn't cast a single vote for the rich white guy.
so at work the other day, a coworker (who we'll just call mtoy which may or may not be his real name) called me over to ask a question. i could tell from the tone that it was going to be kinda random. cause when you've got a random question to ask, apparently i'm the go to guy. anywho, he didn't clean the gutters before the rains came. and they got all clogged up. and the water backed up into the roof. and through the ceiling. and onto his kid's gamer box. which was new several years ago. he's afraid that booting it might fry it. and was wondering if i knew a way to rescue electronic equipment that had gotten wet. of course i have some suggestions i was very happy to share. but i noticed he had laid his finger aside of his nose. so i paused. i was going to say easy just blah. but instead i said, you could try sealing it in a box with some rice and leaving it in the sun for a week. or a month. you could try isopropyl alcohol. it'll displace the water and then evaporate cleanly. you could try a combination. by now though the finger aside the nose thing is getting kinda vigorous. so i switched tacks. but it most likely won't do any good. finger goes back to keyboard. eyebrows go up. sad puppy dog look. you'll have to - at this point i was about to say, get your kid a new gamer box for christmas, when i remembered what i do when my kid "needs" a new gamer box. i continued with, give your kid your gamer box. and get santa to bring you a new one. faux blubbering conceals huge grin.