Timmerov's Blog: December 2015

Timmerov's Blog

Monday, December 28, 2015

boo ya!

i'm going to heaven. i'm going to heaven. oh yeah. says who? says pope francis. that's who. i'm going to heaven. i'm going to heaven.

¶ 8:00 AM

Sunday, December 27, 2015

extremophiles

extremophiles are organisms that live in extreme environments. specifically high temperatures and high pressures. so let's say we found something that lived at a temperature 284 celsius above average. that'd probably qualify eh? and if it also lived at 10^16 times average pressure, that's 10,000,000,000,000,000 times normal pressure, that'd definitely qualify, right? congratulations! that's you! and me. and pretty much every other living thing on earth. yeah, we call this place home. but conditions here are so much unlike conditions everywhere else that we are definitely the extremophiles. that might explain why we haven't encountered any aliens yet. they live in the cold dark emptiness of space. nothing could possibly live on the surface of a nuclear bomb while it's exploding right? right?!?! heh. except surprise! we do.

¶ 8:00 AM

Saturday, December 26, 2015

zenni

so i was sitting at the dinner table on christmas eve between the main course and dessert when the left lens of my eyeglasses fell out. huh. i thought i had lost the screw. dammit. that's annoying. i summoned the youngest most cooperative child. the one with the best eyes. he assured me the screw was still in the frame. huh. cool! it appears that zenni glasses are engineered so the screw cannot fall out. that's so cool. i was pretty sure the host had a set of jeweler's screwdrivers. so i asked to borrow them. he had had a bit of wine. so it took him a while to fulfill the request. i of course cannot see a thing. so i held the lens in the frames while the youngest set the screw. piece of cake. chocolate decadence specifically.

¶ 8:00 AM

Thursday, December 24, 2015

schlong

0.2 btc to anyone who schlongs trump.

¶ 8:00 AM

Sunday, December 20, 2015

churches

i heard about a town in one of them flyover states that was building a combined church mosque synagogue. which i think is pretty cool. so cool in fact that i'm officially adopting it as policy in timmertopia. it's good to know what the rules would be in case you ever find yourself emperor of earth. anywho, all places of worship are open to all denominations and faiths. and in fact, they must have a mixture. mostly cause i'd be very amused by some backwoods christian church finding itself in need of recruiting witches, athiests, and pagans to use their church so they don't lose it. there's also the added benefit of putting all the crazy under one roof. make it easy for it to kill itself.

¶ 8:00 AM

Saturday, December 19, 2015

metric system

we are pretty much the only country that uses archaic units of measurement. we're also stubborn as shit. and won't change nothin for no good reason. the trick is to cough up a good reason. how's this? a 12 cm penis sounds big.

¶ 8:00 AM

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

mondegreen

hello dorkface my old friend. i've come to talk with you again. 'bout a virgin softly creeping. left its seed while i was sleeping. and the virgin that was planted in my bed, still remains. within the sound. of silence. in restless dreams i walk alone. now on streets of cobbled stone. near the hero of the e-street band. i turned my collar to the cold and damp. where my eyes were spared by the flash of a neon light. split the night. catch the sound of silence. and in the naked light i saw. ten thousand people maybe more. people talking without speaking. people hearing without list'ning. people riding song. that horses never shared. and no one did. disturb the sound. of silence. fool said i you do not know. silence like a cancer grows. hear my words and i might teach you. take my arms that i might reach you. but my word like silent raindrops felled. and echoed. in the ways of silence. and the people bowed and prayed. to the neon god they made. and the sign flashed out its warning. in the words that it was forming. and the sign said the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls. and tenement. halls. and whispered. in the sounds. of silence.

¶ 8:00 AM

Monday, December 14, 2015

sauerbraten

sauerbraten is an open source first person shooter. on linux, it just worked. it came up fullscreen. and covered all 3 displays. it was awesome. windows games go fullscreen on a single display. and they just can't handle portrait mode. it was such a wonderful feeling of rightness. like that thing that's wrong in the world is no longer wrong.

¶ 8:00 AM

Sunday, December 13, 2015

N102EC

yeah i know i don't usually use capital letters. but this is a special case. someone crashed my plane. no one was hurt thankfully. and yeah, it's still my plane even though i sold it 10 years ago.

¶ 8:00 AM

Saturday, December 12, 2015

thank gods

not all republicans are crazy. senator visits mosque. thank gods. i would love to see more news like this. cause frankly, republicans have pretty serious image issues right now.

¶ 8:00 AM