birthers life doesn't come with an instruction manual. and since the old farts had to figure things out on their own they get revenge on them youngins by not clueing them in either. personally i think that's self perpetuating stupidity. so here's a summary of my collected wisdom on pregnancies that isn't traditionally passed along. zeroth, pregnancy is contagious. it's true. the women at work all caught preggers at the same time. or maybe they just wanted to make launch even more hectic. anywho. first, carry the baby with your abdominal muscles. you want everything to go right back where it was before the basketball showed up in your shorts. i learned this trick from a woman built like a barbie doll with a two week old infant. number two, the natural inclination is the baby goes out the same way the baby went in. well yes and no. you have two sets of muscles down there. one is for fun. and the other is for well, number two. the path the baby takes is the same as that daily function. you are not going to have an orgasm while giving birth. use the other muscles instead. third, is really for the fellahs. post partum depression is a really horrible thing. if it strikes your loved one will be reduced to a quivering blob of hopeless despair. it's also pretty dangerous. ie it can result in the death of mother and/or children. fortunately, the drugs for this are really effective. all you have to do is recognize the signs. happy parenting.  ¶ 8:00 AM