walking
no this isn't a tolkien bash. i don't do those jokes any more. in the interest of marital bliss. anywho, have you ever noticed that some people walk on their toes and some people walk heel first? i first noticed this phenomenon at work. my office is on the second floor. and sometimes boom boom boom. the floor literally shakes. other times, my hot chick radar sense goes off. and i look over and down. and she's walking toe first. heels kinda force one to walk that way. i have further noticed that the heel first people tend to be gravitationally superior to the toe first walkers. who am i kidding. they're fatties. so anywho, by the theory of causal correlation inversion, you should be able to lose weight simply by disciplining yourself to walk toe first instead of heel first. i don't think i could get men to wear high heels. hrm. i'm going to start selling shoe inserts with a pneumatic trigger in the front and spikes in the back. if you slam your heel first you get a painful stab. but if you press the trigger in the front by walking toes first it retracts the spikes. heh. it's positive feedback (the sciencey definition) of negative feedback (the non-sciency definition). cool. i'm gonna be so rich.