Timmerov's Blog
gridlock
gridlock is when control of government is split amongst the parties. like say a democratic president and a republican congress. the government tends to be the most responsible under these conditions. and least when one party controls all. why do we have only two parties? seems to me if there were a plethora of parties one could have a permanent state of gridlock. imagine if we split up the current parties into the rich party, the religious party, the redneck party, the intellectual party, the gay party, and the welfare party. it makes sense that some of these pairs would most often be on opposite sides. like say the rich and the welfare, the redneck and the gay. but other match ups would be compatible. like say the religious and the welfare, the rich and the intellectual. anywho, just thinking.
voter fraud
voter fraud is a very specific thing. you have to turn in a ballot for someone other than yourself. registering mickey mouse to vote isn't technically voter fraud. it's clearly a crime. or should be. mailing in an absentee ballot for mickey mouse... that's voter fraud. showing up at the polling station with id stating you're mickey mouse and casting a ballot... that's voter fraud. acorn pays people $8/hour to register voters. we have pretty solid numbers on how many suspicious registrations acorn turns in. why? cause acorn screens them and flags them and and turns them in and publishes the numbers themselves. why in the world would they turn in obviously bogus registration forms? heh. they're required to by law. they fire employees who for whatever reason think it's funny to register mickey mouse. or are too lazy to actually do the work they're getting paid to do. which makes sense. bogus registrations don't help acorn promote its liberal causes. specifically, mickey mouse doesn't actually get to vote. and acorn isn't getting what it paid for.
this cnn article brings up one more point i hadn't thought of. voter registration fraud doesn't affect elections. however, shutting down voter registration organizations does.
asstards
so why is it that males behave like asstards first? it's like it's hardwired into our circuitry or something. it takes lots of training and self control to not strangle that other asstard. it's especially puzzling cause turning the other cheek is almost always a superior strategy in the long run. seems like a serious design flaw. if one believes in an intelligent designer. otherwise, one would think the asstard gene would have been selected away. perhaps it's only relatively recently that kill thy neighbor became suboptimal. and the gene pool hasn't had a chance to catch up yet. or maybe i'm just making wishes.
arthritis
this country has arthritis. i explain. some say arthritis is an auto-immune disease where the body's immune system turns on healthy parts of the body. joints in the case of arthritis. my great grandmother treated her arthritis by intentionally catching a cold. which drove my grandmother nuts. cause she didn't want her to catch a cold. it passed as comedy in the snyder-roush family tree. anywho, since the break up of the soviet union we don't have a real enemy. china should be. but they sell us cheap plastic junk for free. they're our /friends/. i'll give bush credit for trying to focus us on terrorists. even if it wasn't his intent. it was a good effort. but it's not working well enough. we've turned on ourselves. ie we have arthritis. and i'll give bush credit for that too.
fbi
apparently the fbi has devoted so many resources to national security over the past few years that there hasn't been much left for anything else. like say investigating allegations of fraud at major financial institutions.
landslide
i'm kind of disappointed this year's election is predicted to be a landslide. i was hoping for a return of the madness that gripped entire counties of people and made them overwhelmingly vote for democrat candidates and liberal issues. except for the presidency. where they just as overwhelmingly voted for bush. heh. i call it madness. but it must be some sort of bizarre rush of focused rationality. buddy of mine asserted that republicans don't cheat at elections. only democrats. heh. actually i misrepresent. he really said only democrats are stupid enough to get caught.
drivers
i've been taking the train to work for a few months. recently i started driving again maybe once a week. i got a kind of fresh perspective. first, i'm out of practice. i no longer flow naturally into the lane that will be shortest at the next red light. second, i noticed that most of the other drivers are clueless, asstards, or both.
parking
my company grew. and moved down the street to a bigger building. i used to have a parking spot in a parking structure with lots of nice big parking spots. the structure went both up and down. i generally chose to park up higher. cause i like the view and the air. sigh. i don't have that any more. now my permit is for an underground garage with itty bitty tiny parking spots. the "big" ones are just barely big enough for my car. if i park way way over to one side i can open the door far enough to get out. often what happens is every other parking spot is filled. and wait for it. every car is parked way to the right of the spot so they can open their doors. i've taken to parking way to the /left/ of the spot. then crawling over the console and exiting on the passenger side. where there's enough room to open the door. i suppose i could back in. hm. wee. the train's looking mighty attractive. even if it is more expensive now that gas is under $4/gallon.
miracle fish
long ago there were two fish, a multitude of mouths, and jesus. we all know this story. well, most of it. there were some fishing poles that were left out for literary reasons. anywho, jesus handed people the poles. they caught some fish while he ministered. everyone ate their fill. when the party was over there were yards of fish left over. jesus replaced the free food handout with the means and motivation to work and lo, a miracle! in other news, our welfare programs are going bankrupt. they need a miracle.
charity
it seems a bit perverse to me for people to boast of their philanthropy while bitching about the number of people who choose to live off that charity instead of getting a real job and doing real work.
cars
i hate my car. why? i explain: i make a pile of stuff at the garage door. i find my car keys. i push the button that unlocks the doors. i put the keys in my pocket. i pick up all the stuff. i walk over to the car. i balance the stuff in one hand. i reach for the car door. *clunk*. the car's auto-relock feature kicks in. piece of shit.
group superior
my group is better than your group. my group is better than your group. your group has a bunch of asstards in it. my group is better than your group. my group has just as many asstards. but they don't count. cause they're my asstards. my group is better than your group.
wrongness
so i saw a guy driving a hummer into a trailer park. that is so wrong. so very very wrong. i think tightening the old belt will be good for us. heh. actually it'd be better if we loosened the old belt and tanned the hides of a few people with it. yeehs. you deserve to have your money stolen.
typos
sheehs. make one tiny typo in a work email and you never hear the end of it. so i meant to say... the next major feature to slip in is < something really cool but secret >. but i left out the in. kinda changed the whole meaning of the email. oi yoi yoi.
shoes
the other day i was waiting for a train with a young soldier. he had prosthetic legs. shiny titanium things. he bounced up the train steps with remarkable agility. handicapped my ass. when i was his age people would get clunky things that looked like legs. but were unwieldy ungainly monstrosities. that always struck me as weird. he's a man with no legs. why should he pretend otherwise? sheehs. the purpose of legs is to move the body around. not to wear shoes.
work
yay! we're gonna ship. i'm not allowed to say exactly when. my confidence is based on the fact we have a hard deadline. sometimes you need one of those to get things actually out the frikken door. even if it's. the. STUPIDEST. reason. for a hard deadline. ever. whatever works. and yes, i'll tell you what it is. later. not now.
what crisis?
man. the more the crisis goes on the more it looks like a good thing. i explain. before: startups with a sexy concept were attracting venture capital by promising high returns for the high risks. based in part on being able to use easy credit. and in exchange for the funding they're willing to give away the pound of flesh closest to their heart. and the bets paid off enough to make it the most interesting game in town. which left less money for and less interest in more conservative gambles that aren't willing to sell out at that high of a price. after: the easy credit dries up. the sexy plans can't promise the ridiculous payoffs. well they can. no one believes them any more. which results in a glut of money available for the more sure-thing investments. like ours. and better, we get the terms we want. which was impossible even two months ago. yay!
ghouls
many of my neighbors have dogs. but only one of my neighbors has a dog that howls like a ghoul. seriously, it cuts loose with a wail that makes people call 911. literally. a cry of such soul wrenching remorse that you're sure someone just watched their loved one heinously murdered right in front of them. or to quote from the princess bride, "that is the sound of ultimate suffering. my heart made that sound when the six-fingered man killed my father. the man in black makes it now."
hope
the economy's headed for the crapper. it's wall street's fault. it's main street's fault. at least, we hope it is. i explain. economic growth has been 2% for a hundred years. which tracks pretty well with a bunch of things. one of which is how much energy we've been pumping into ye olde economic tank. so hopefully, this economic downturn is nothing more serious than the inevitable reaction to a whole lot of people making piss poor financial decisions. and not something far more onerous. like the economy running out of gas.
streets 2
okay so wall street conned main street. then wall street got conned. and somehow wall street thinks the people they conned once should bail them out. heh. fool you once. shame on me. fool you twice. shame on you.
streets
by now everyone's real clear on all the sins wall street committed to create the current financial crisis. which is good. but let's not forget main street's part in it. it was main street who agreed to these loans with crazy terms. interest only adjustable rate with no cap. sheehs. it was main street who maxxed their credit cards and turned in applications for more like they were lottery tickets. come on. you can't be that stupid and expect me to buy it when you try to foist all the blame on those greedy bastard fat cats. yeah. give me a break.
education
ever notice that one side effect of no child left behind is no child gets ahead? sigh. when mediocre is good enough some choose the easy way instead doing their best. so what it means to be average slowly but steadily declines. which makes it easier to get your truly below average students up to the bar. but it also robs society of some its best and brightest. nations aren't judged by what their lower performers accomplish. they're judged by what their greatest achieve.
**POW!!**
my morning routine is to skate with g as he rides his bike to school. then i head off to the train station. the train takes me two blocks from our office building. a monthly pass costs about as much as gas. and takes slightly longer. if you don't count the times i fall asleep and miss my stop. anywho, one morning i got to the station just in time for the 8:00 train. the people crossing gates were down. i and several others were waiting patiently. i was using the time to remove my skates. they don't let you on with skates. duh. they don't let you on the train with just socks either. which i think is kinda weird but okay. they will however let you on the train with your laces untied. which is just dumb. apparently there are pieces of metal flooring that are so sharp they will cut right through your socks and amputate your feet. but the same flooring is perfectly safe for your hands if you fall. but no one ever loses their balance when the train stops. anywho, i've spent enough time on stupidity. well, not quite. there was this one guy with us at the gate. he was getting antsy. thought he was gonna miss the train. this loser had really bad timing. he decided to climb over the gate at precisely the wrong moment. mid stride the lights stopped and the gate went up. **POW!!** right in the cookies.
bush
people who meet bush say he's an intelligent and honorable man. neither of which jibe real well with the things he's done. how does one wriggle out of this conundrum? how about this: whatever mental apparatus human brains use to differentiate friend and foe is broken in bush. he's a good fish. but he has no idea he's swimming with sharks. like cheney and rove. he met putin and found him to be trustworthy and honorable. and would never murder his comrades. or invade another country. bin laden is just a harmless old man. no point hunting him down. on the other side of the ledger we have saddam hussein. who was definitely a bad man. but more of a buffoon than the atomic bomb wielding world destroying menace bush told the world he was. who else goes on this list? i have no idea. ask him. apparently he's got an enemies list longer than nixon's. sad really. for all of us.
capitalism
we've taken a huge step towards socializing this country. as a devout capitalist i find this disturbing. i agree we can't really let our huge financial institutions fail. we should bail them out. we should also split them up into many smaller companies. and restore the regulations that were there to protect the interests, not of the shareholders, but of the customer. a single huge bank knows it's too big for the government to let it fail. therefore, it can take all sorts of risks knowing there's a poison pill safety net. if there are hundreds of smaller banks, some will take risks and be rewarded cause they're smart or lucky or both. some will take risks and fail. that's a fundamental principle of capitalism. which i might re-assert is one of the things that made us the greatest nation on earth. our claim to that title is a bit wobbly. cause our adherence to our economic foundations has been eroded.
cliches
the cliche is: you can't make the poor rich by making the rich poor. true 'nuff. even if it was coined by a rich dude. this cliche is often used by the reagonomics clique to end a discussion about tax hikes for the rich. the clique thinks this means they won with a decisive argument. whereas the message received is more like: i'm too stupid to argue with. heh. i say i want to tax capital gains as normal income. that's a tax hike for the rich. that often pigeon-holes me as some sort of big government expansion of social services guy. and hence, an idiot. when really, i've just failed to communicate the whole of the plan. i know i suck at communicating. but sheehs. lotta people walking around with logs in their ears. hmm... maybe i should pull out the cliche first. you can make the poor poorer by making the rich richer. heh. or maybe. you can't make the poor rich by giving them handouts. or uh. you can't make the poor rich by giving the rich handouts.
bets
obama will increase the ranks of the poor. this is a really beautiful statement. if obama doesn't win, arguing with me might be fun but pointless. yar. officials have been getting elected for, well, forever, by expanding the ranks of voters who get handouts. ie redefining the poverty level so folks don't have to pay taxes. or by expanding social programs far beyond their original scope. but no. the real beauty of the statement is the negative. it implies without actually saying so that mccain won't increase the ranks of the poor. it's a pretty good bet he will. for the exact same reasons, if not the same methods. and even if mccain bucks the trend, the economy's in the crapper. it's quite likely over the next presidential term or two, the ranks of the poor will increase all by themselves. even with no redefinition of what it means to be poor. which i lastly point out was not articulated in the original statement. i'm free to choose any definition that proves my case. want to make that bet? i'm gonna be so rich.
awkward
so i was reading a thing about retards. what? retards is offensive. sure. shall we call em speds instead? the mentally handicapped were an ever present part of my growing up life. i've earned the privilege is stripping away the sugar coated names we give them so we can pretend we can integrate them into normal society. they're not normal. let em be retards. everyone will be happier. sheehs. anywho. this isn't a rant about retards. or even parents of retards. it's a rant about taxes. sorta. the /thing/ was about how much work it takes by so many people to educate one retarded kid. of course the thought wandered into my head, who's paying for it? taxes. and who pays the taxes? well according to me, it should be the rich. but then you'd have some rich asstard saying i'm not paying for that stupid program for stupid people. and wouldn't. cause the rich have that sort of power. which means, if the middle class wants programs like this then they have to pick up the tab. which they do. and they do. hrm... awkward. sorta. actually, i think rich folks are better human beings than i've implied. maybe it's just that it's harder for members of one group to accept help from members of another - than it is to give said help. whatever. education is the single best investment a country can make. even if it's for people who will never be able to get more than a tiny sip from the fire hose. especially if.
al v jenny
compare and contrast al gore and jenny craig. one sells carbon credits. the other sells diet food. both are good for you. nobody likes either. people have extremely vitriolic reactions to one: al gore is a waste of carbon. but no one says jenny craig is a waste of carbohydrates. what's the difference? marketing. one has push the other has pull. people look at themselves and know they're fat. jenny craig can you help me lose weight? pull. contrast with push. observe the al gore method of selling diet food: you're fat. lose weight or pay me. it doesn't take a kalashtar to figure out how that's gonna go.
bo1b 2
who or what the heck is bo1b? bo1b started life as a whiffle ball. he was sharpied black. then got a sticker of the company logo. the old one. not the new one we were supposed to share with the world last month. ah well. then he got filled with 8 oz. of mortar mix. then he got a loop of nylon string. and was sealed up with gorilla glue. two coats of urethane and bo1b is finished. he hung from his characteristic bright yellow nylon string in the entrance hall of the company's building. for about 2 hours. then the vp weasel made us take him down. poor bo1b. we didn't just drape his string over the beam. we tied a knot. 30' above the floor. untying that knot was kinda fun. bo1b hung out at the test station for a while. then he made brown1es for the engineering meeting. straight brown1es. not funny brown1es. sheehs. it's a /work/ meeting. now bo1b is hanging out in my office. which has a window to a hallway. which is actually kinda nice. bo1b can see outside through the glass fronts and windows of the offices across the hall. we get lots of nice natural light. but we don't get the direct sunlight that cooks those offices. and no glare. anywho. i'm sure bo1b will have more adventures. stay tuned. the whiteboard says: i <3 bo1b. and no, i didn't put it there.
katz 2
katz has a fibrous mass in her abdomen the size of a golf ball. in people scale that would be like having a cantaloupe in your gut. apparently cats get stressed out when say they stay in strange houses with strange cats and dogs while their people go on vacation for a week. and they stop eating. which makes serious debilitating changes in elderly cats. like they grow big tumors. which affect their eating. a veritable death spiral. the way to arrest it is to get the cat re-hydrated and to eat. so katz got a shot of saline in the scruff. she looked kinda like a cat fur covered water bottle. she got some appetite stimulating pills. which worked great. but she also got can after can of friskies. which is, according to the vet, like mcdonald's for cats. which worked even better. i think she's gonna recover. whew.
